Boundaries for ("Pesky") Devices

Helping kids be in the world

               Often I hear from my clients who have children that devices are the bane of their existence. Devices are great when parents want some peace and quiet for a bit. But, try getting a kid off their device to do a chore, homework, or just anything else that isn’t digital. It can be like pulling teeth to get them off the device and into the real world.

               Why should kids have a significant amount of time off their devices? Some parents are totally okay with unlimited device time. Some are okay with excessive amounts of device time. Here are some reasons why too much device time can be harmful for your child or children, and the family as a whole.

1.        Obesity

2.        Irregular sleep

3.        Behavioral problems

4.        Impaired academic performance

5.        Violence

6.        Less time for play

(Source: https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/children-and-screen-time)

7.        Neck or back pain

8.        Psychological setbacks

(Source: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/screen-time-side-effects-in-kids-and-teens)

               Let’s start with obesity. This is where an individual is more than overweight. Obesity can lead to other medical conditions and affect mental health. It’s hard to play on a tablet while eating healthy food because a tablet or phone requires two hands usually to operate. What do most people do while watching TV? They eat. But, not anything. Most people will steer towards the junk food which can increase weight and lead to obesity. Remember that children do not have the same maturity in thinking as adults do when it comes to decision making. That’s why they have parents to help them with that process with the goal being an older kid or young adult who is making good, common sense, and reasonable choices. A good boundary is limiting junk food… as well as device time.

               The next issue of too much device time is sleep issues. Let’s say that we are all following the general guideline that children under 2 years old are not using devices. We all know that sleep is really important from birth through the second year of life. But what about older kids and teens? Well, 3-5 year old kids need 10-13 hours of sleep total. 6-12 year old kids need 9-12 hours of sleep total. (Source: https://www.sleepfoundation.org/children-and-sleep/how-much-sleep-do-kids-need) For teenagers we may assume they can live with less sleep, but “the optimal amount of sleep for teens between the ages of 13 to 18 is around 8-10 hours a night.” (Source: https://www.sleepfoundation.org/teens-and-sleep/how-much-sleep-does-a-teenager-need) How does device use create sleep issues? According to an article at uclahealth.org, the blue light tricks your internal clock into thinking it is morning time even in the evening hours. (Source: https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/are-electronic-devices-impacting-your-sleep) A general rule of thumb is to not allow device use 1 hour before bedtime. The recommended time is 2 hours but, as a mental health professional specializing in ADHD said, it’s not always realistic. A good boundary is to turn off devices and disallow their use at least 1 hour before bedtime.

               Every kid has bad behaviors at times. They’re kids… the consequences parents give for their child’s bad behavior is how children learn not to do those things again (though they might and maybe even will). When kids are watching TV, playing a video game, or using a tablet or phone they experience instant gratification and hyperarousal. This can feel very good and place a desire, urge, or impulse to experience those feelings again and again. Excessive screen time may create obsession, if for no other reason, to experience that gratification and arousal again. Obsession may turn into addiction for some. Regardless of obsession or addiction, excessive screen time will create a demand for more and more instant gratification at the least. This may exhibit itself in a demanding or even controlling type of behavior. There may be focus issues that also are seen in certain negative behaviors. For example, a child who is hyperfocused may not hear or notice anything around him or her. If they have lack of focus, the child may not be able to attend to a certain task or request for very long if at all. A good boundary is the limiting of screen time to 1-2 hours a day, if not more if negative behaviors are present and/or getting worse. (Source: https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/are-video-games-and-screens-another-addiction)

               Impaired academic performance can occur with excessive screen time use as well. In the previous paragraph I wrote about the issues with focus and hyperfocus. These issues with focus may also create challenges and difficulties with working on school work. Kids like rewards and if they experience instant gratification and/or hyperarousal from using devices, but they don’t get those things from doing school work, that’s a problem. A good boundary, again, is limiting device use as well as setting allowed times for kids to be able to use devices.

               I am a big believer that every individual is unique. Therefore, an outcome of violence due to device use, I believe, is highly dependent on the family environment as well as the child’s personality traits and character. For example, one study showed “Video games can help Veterans recover from mental health challenges.” (Source: https://www.research.va.gov/currents/0519-Video-games-can-help-Veterans-recover-from-mental-health-challenges.cfm) A different article stated in their title that “Experts are divided about the potential harm, but agree on some steps parents can take to protect children” in reference to how violent video games affect kids. (Source: https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/violent-video-games-and-young-people) If all a child is doing the majority of the day is playing violent video games, it’s fair to say there will be some kind of influence there. A good boundary to have is to only allow age appropriate video games that you, the parent, deem appropriate. Going by the ratings does not always guarantee an age appropriate video game for your unique child and his or her needs.

               This next effect of device time goes without saying: less play time. The more time a child is on a device, the less time they are playing with other kids, exploring outside, learning new skills that don’t involve devices. To learn more about why people, not just kids, learn more by playing, check out this interview with Dr. Hirsh-Pasek: https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/play. A good boundary here is to create a schedule where there is device time and playtime. Provide board games, LEGOs, building blocks, scavenger hunts, etc. Let the kids create a game that is device-free and/or outdoors.

               Neck and back problems are a guaranteed effect of excessive device use as the individual using that device is looking down. An article from HopkinsMedicine.org highlights the poor posture most kids use while on a device, whether for entertainment, play, or even school. They suggest taking multiple breaks, propping the device up so that the child is looking straight ahead instead of down, and not sitting up in bed doing school work on a device. (Source: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/screen-time-side-effects-in-kids-and-teens) A good boundary here is to only allow devices to be used in specific locations that promote healthy posture.

               Psychological setbacks from excessive device usage have been talked about for awhile now. Excessive device use disallows kids from experiencing real social interactions and creates unrealistic expectations of those they interact with every day. Even though it is called “social media” there is little that is social about it. Even when it is social, because you are not meeting that individual on the other end of a private message in person, you cannot be sure they are who they say they are. An article from healthtalk.unchealthcare.org highlights that “cognitive capacity was significantly reduced whenever a smartphone is within reach,” stating that memorization was no longer needed as all your friends and family phone numbers and emails are in the contact list in your phone. The article also repeats something mentioned earlier: instant gratification. The authors state “Modern connectedness also could be rewiring our brains to constantly crave instant gratification.” Issues with “inconsistent positive reinforcement,” impairment of “social and emotional skills,” as well as ways to “protect your brain from your phone” are discussed. (Source: https://healthtalk.unchealthcare.org/the-effects-of-smartphone-usage-on-the-brain/). A good boundary here is to limit device time as well as the access and/or use of social media. I strongly encourage parents to encourage their children to make friends in person. This type of socialization helps kids learn what to and what not to look for in a good friend.

               Setting boundaries as a parent for devices is not a mean thing. It is a protective thing. It is a healthy thing. It helps kids learn that limits are a good thing to have in life. It teaches them that their health is important to you, the parent. It helps them understand that there is more to life than how much time they get on their devices. Without setting these types of boundaries early on in your child’s life, it is more likely they will exhibit the effects outlined in this blog post. If you’re not setting boundaries for devices as a parent with your children, and your children grow to expect instant gratification, experience back and neck pain, or increase negative behavior patterns… Well, you can fill in the blank here.

               If you believe you need help with parenting issues, consider scheduling a session here at For the Love of Therapy. Simply fill out the form for a free 20 minute telephone consultation. Happy parenting!